Break-ups are hard. They tear you apart. They make you cry or eat a ton of ice cream. I have even heard of this girl in China who stayed in KFC for a week because of a break-up. Break-ups are devastating.
But you can let go and move on. You can be great again. But how? You need to undergo a process in order for you to be whole again after you’ve split with your beaux.
The Post Break-Up Process
After breaking up, you will undergo a process: denial, grief, pain, anger, acceptance, letting go and finally being whole again. You need to to go through this stages for you to flush out all the pain you feel inside.
1. Denial – You just can’t believe you’ve broken up. You try contacting him or her or checking the past messages you’ve had on messenger, snapchat, viber, sms or whatever. You stalk the person online. You fervently hope they message you or think about you.
2. Grief – So you realize the other person is really gone. You cry buckets. You drink like a fish. You eat like a monster. You eat-sleep-eat-sleep combo all day. You go to work looking like a truck rolled on you five times. But you don’t care. Because there is just too much pain in your heart.
3. Pain – Pain and grief normally go together at the same time. But at times the grief is gone but the pain remains. You feel your chest constricting and you can’t breathe. You feel like something is crushing you from no where.
The pain from a break-up can last years and even decades. Even after a person has moved on, there may still be bits of pain inside.
4. Anger – After you’ve missed the other person, you may end up hating him or her. You can feel steam rising in you. You question how can they leave you or how can they mess up a very good relationship. You can also be angry at yourself. You can feel hate towards what you have done in your relationship. You question everything you’ve done in the past.
5. Acceptance – Accepting that your past love is gone and the relationship over eventually comes. You learn to live by yourself. You box up his or her things. You remove the pictures from your phone. You live and you start to feel ok. You know it hurts but you’ve accepted it. You’re ready now to start a brand new journey.
6. Letting go – After the break up it may take time for you to eventually let go, but it will happen. It may take some time; it may take a year or so. But it will happen. You will live and be happy again. You will find something new to love or make you happy.
7. Being whole again – Being whole means being ok no matter what has happened in the past. You don’t feel hate towards your ex. You don’t wish him to be hit by a car or her to fall in a manhole while she texts.
Being whole means finally growing and being happy with or without someone.
Revamping Yourself Post Break-Up
So after the break-up and after the wailing and crying, you need to look like a human being again. You need to go to work or school. You need to function. But how do you do that?
1. Accept the pain – The pain is part of the process. It does happen. It will crush you. It will hurt you in places that you thought could never hurt. It will cause you to drink and want to destroy your life. But you have to accept pain. You have to FEEL IT.
2. Give yourself time – Don’t hurry into being ok. You need to grieve. Cry if you must.
3. Distract yourself – Take a hobby. Hangout with friends. Do something besides crying. You need to focus on the other good things in your life.
4. Get that haircut – Look good. You don’t want to run into your ex look like a loser right. Look good. Shower, please!
5. Do something that makes you happy – Find something that you find joy in. Start a new hobby. Do charity work. Find something that lights you up. Be happy about existing.
6. Create a path towards success – Maybe it’s now time to work on you. Stop wallowing, start doing. Do something that will help you be a better version of yourself. Work hard. Study. Invest in yourself and your growth.
7. Be happy with being with yourself – A lot of people dread break-ups because they don’t want to be alone. But the key to happiness is not finding a relationship. It is finding happiness with whatever state your in. Acceptance is the key.
Be A Better Version of Yourself
As cliche’ as it sounds, being a better and wiser version of yourself is the best way to get back up from a break-up. Sure it has hurt you and tore you apart, but hey, you’re still here. And you deserve to be happy and shine.